Has writing The Cursed Charm placed a hex on me?
Todays blog post is a bit tongue and cheek but a subject I must address. A little over a month ago I started writing The Cursed Charm, Book one of The Fae Witch Series. Three and half weeks later I was done with my rough draft and the slight ache in my neck and shoulders grew more heavy as the days went on. When I had finally finished I told myself that I was taking a well deserved break and two days later I woke up completely paralyzed from the neck down.
I lay in my bed unmoving for a few minutes while I evaluated my situation. After a few minutes I was able to crawl out but the pain was excruciating. I first thought that maybe I had slept wrong and it would eventually loosen up enough throughout the day but the pain only grew worse.
Two days later I went to the doctor and he stared at me in disbelief when I told him I wrote my book out in three and half weeks. He also was pretty stunned at the fact that I had written and published three books, one cookbook, and completed a rough draft of another novel in almost exactly one years time.
I tried to brush it off as no big deal but the more I thought about it the more shocked I became at my work ethic and creative driving force that had propelled me into my current dilemma. Later that night as I paced around the first floor of my house I had a thought, actually it was more of a question.
Why did I feel the need to push myself so hard and are all writers just as sadistic?
It’s hard to convey to someone who does not live in the world I now call home about what it is I go through on a day to day basis. I have a difficult time explaining to people the absolute need to get out what’s in my head and onto the computer screen as fast as I can. I get the same looks all the time and hear the same advice. I need to take time off and relax everyone tells me. But what if I somehow lose my train of thought and story? What if I can’t get my writing mojo back? What if.. I have said it before and I’ll say it again.
What if are the two most dangerous words put together in the English language.
I realize now whilst I sit in pain writing out this blog post that the only real question is, What is the price I’m willing to pay to write?
My only answer is this; I write because it is who I am now. I write because it’s my passion and no matter how tired I am or how much physical pain I’m in right now, it’s still worth it to me. Yes, I need to take more time off and not be such a crazy woman. I am well aware that I can’t push myself into traction to write a book and I should not ignore the warning signals my body is screaming at me right now.
What can I say? I’m a writer and unless you chop my hands off, I’m still going to pound away on this keyboard.
I also believe that writing The Cursed Charm has been stressful. I will state now that this is by far the hardest book I have had to write. I think it’s because this is a spin-off to the Skye Trilogy. I have to incorporate enough background for new readers and I also have to set up quite a bit of story line for book one. I see this book as being the starting point and I am determined to do it justice. I am also nervous and slightly stressed because the characters are a little different. I have to admit though, I am starting to fall in love with all of them and I suppose in some way I’m praying that my readers will too.
I can’t help but wonder if this is all physical but emotional as well. I also sit and ponder about my fellow writers. Do they put themselves through all of this or am I the only one? Is there some sort of support group out there for us Indie authors? Should I start one so we can all bitch and moan together?
I realized something yesterday when I was having a massive anxiety attack (side effect of steroids) that I am lucky to have a few amazing people in my life to talk me down from my ledge of crazy. I had an epiphany that instead of trying to deal with all of this on my own I need to try and include these wonderful people more in my life.
Instead of writing out my thoughts and fears, I also have to learn to express them better to my loved ones. It truly is incredible that sometimes you have to be broken before you can put yourself back together.
So is writing dangerous to our fragile health? Yes, but damn it feels so good sometimes, doesn’t it?