This picture represents how I feel when certain questions are asked of me time and time again. Every writer and self-published author knows exactly what I am referring to, but I thought I would write up this little blog post for those people that may be unaware of our exasperation when we are posed some of these more inane questions about our profession.

1) So when are your books going to be published for real?

What I generally say is this: I have been contacted by a few publishers, but I did not feel like their company was a good fit for me ( truth) I’m doing pretty well on my own, and I’m content in my current position.

What I want to say: Oh, I’m sorry, my books which are available on Amazon to over 100 million people is what? Not real enough for you?

Never, ever, ask this to a self-published author. It’s degrading and insulting.

 

2) How long does it take you to write a book?

What I generally say is this: It all depends.

What I want to say is this: I don’t know, how long does it take you to do your job? I’m not on a time clock. You can’t measure how long a book can take to write. It can be two weeks, two months or two years.

 

3) Why do you write paranormal romance?

What I generally say is this: Because I like this genre and I truly felt I could bring to the table a fresh voice with my stories.

What I want to say is this: Why the f*ck do you write about your kids, favorite sports teams, political views or even religious views on Facebook? It’s because those are the things that interest you.

Vampires, magic, dragons, and faeries interest me, ok?

I’m sorry if it’s not some thought provoking book that you can show off to your snobby, intellectual friends and say ‘ hey I know the author.’

Also, aren’t you on my Facebook? Haven’t you read any of my posts or liked my page and read my blog? If you did, ‘friend’, you wouldn’t ask me that.

Let me also apologize for having an imagination…no one should say ever.

 

4) How much money do you make?

What I always say: I do surprisingly all right.

What I really want to say: It’s none of your f*cking business.

 

5) Can I be in one of your books, or at least the dedication?

What I usually say: I’ll think about it.

What I want to say: Sure, I need someone to pick on or kill off, thanks for making it easier on me by suggesting yourself.

 

6) How do you actually go about writing a book?

What I say: Every writer is different in their approach.

What I want to say: How the hell should I know? I wing it and hope it turns out okay.

There is no right answer for this people!

 

and my favorite….

 

7) It’s pretty easy, right? You just sit around in your pajamas, write when you want, and you don’t really have a real job?

 

If you are ever asked this question, I would suggest you either smile and laugh or feel free to bitch slap the offenders face.

Let me tally up my hours and pit them against yours ass wipe. I’m not just talking about writing. I’m also talking about editing, research, marketing, blogging, social media e.t.c.

 

In conclusion:

I love when people want to talk about my writing, but please use common sense.

It’s not much to ask really…